i haven't posted for a while because i've been FINALLY putting my birth story down in words. it's almost finished, and has been a tremendously difficult but valuable exercise.
it's been over a year now since i gave birth, and writing this out, sorting through the sequence, reminds me of how much time has passed. my life has been filled with a new challenge and a whole lot of love. peanuts birth has scarred me, though i'm sure a unique way, every woman is scarred by their birth. for a while, i felt as though i was the one woman in the world who's body just didn't step up; didn't connect to that ancient rhythm that has brought every new human into the world. i still feel abandoned by my body. i feel ripped off by not getting the birth i had hoped for. and at the time, the words "but it's all irrelevant. i have a beautiful, healthy baby in my arms." would come to mind. these words mocked the thoughts and sentiments of those around me. these words were what i thought i should feel, but didn't.
but now, with a bit more time under my belt, and better understanding of the type of birth i had, i know i will do things differently. and in doing things differently, i mean that i WILL attempt to do it again...
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looking forward to your post about this. i wish we had been able to spend this year together, sorting out our birth experiences. i'm also working on writing up my birth story - it's so intense to revisit it, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteit's SO intense to revisit. tears come to my eyes, i start to remember how small and fragile she was. what an incredible experience it all has been. the miracle of life. wow! can't wait to read yours too.
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