enjoying "every minute" with the kids

this post is in response to enjoying time with the kids, posted by my good friend who is far too hard on herself!

if the time spent with one's children were similar to any activity in my life, i would say it would be likened to painting, where time as i know it ceases to exist. some moments i'm frustrated beyond belief trying to invent some sort of solution for my own brand of painting problem. those moments time stands still in a dark, beating my head against the wall over and over again kind of way. other times it's pure bliss, and i'm so happy and content to just push colour around that i forget to eat or sleep...

spending time with your kids is like no other. nothing nor no one is more dependent or demanding. some blocks of time go by slowly as a snail and you wish to god the kid would go to sleep already. when i notice those feelings in myself, i think i am in some serious need of some me time. i have no patience, nurturing, or even fun left to give. i tune out and do the dishes and convince myself it's good for my daughter to play by herself.

other blocks of time are dedicated to the baby crying at a frequency that seems to buzz through my nervous system and turn back the clock at once. ten minutes has passed by, but it feels like the longest hour EVER.

and at times, when your child is displaying putting together a new skill, or a few at once, or just laughing and enjoying the simplicity of digging a hole in the sand, time flies and dinner gets served an hour late. we are all completely in the moment and don't want that moment to end.

it seems that in my "routine" there is no time that is predictable, or anything close to how time existed before i became a parent. I have no idea what the ratio of enjoying the moment to complete frustration time is. It just is. And sure, I feel badly about it too at times. It's this constant battle within me to feel as though I am at once creating a free environment for my peanut to thrive and express herself confidently, while also keeping the equilibrium and disciplining the peanut without feeling like a cop. Sometimes the patience isn't there because I'm too tired, and I do feel like I'm a cop, simply controlling things rather than nurturing too.

this has been quite the rant, but really, all i want to say is that s, i've seen you totally engaged with your kids, and i'm sure that hasn't changed. enjoying every moment will never be realistic. these days when peanut is whining like a dying calf and driving me crazy i've taken to fast-forwarding in my mind to the teenage years when complete dismissal, shrugging shoulders, and a general 'parents are diseased' kind of attitude reigns, and i savour these tough moments too. but i'd never say they are always enjoyable.